i love you love poemHow do you find this cute little love poem?

What about you,
Makes my jaw jitter,
Knees buckle,
And my palms ice-cold?

Is it your blue eyes,
As deep as the night sky,
Piercing through each soul it stares?

Or maybe it’s your lips,
So soft and smooth,
As though it’s never kissed a pair?

Could it be your hair,
That neat mess of hazelnut,
Uncombed yet perfectly placed?

Possibly your physique,
Gracefully sculpted by angels,
Like a tease to the heart of the single?

Beauty, what a shallow reason to love.

I love you for none of the above.

Not for your muscles that carry me away,
Neither for your hair that mimics your sway,
Nor for your lips that smile at me every day,
Or for your eyes that look at me so patiently---


But,

For carrying me off the 沙收 on Thursday nights,
For ruffling your hair to make me laugh,
For smiling at me every single day,
For lending me all the patience in the world.
And for giving me your undying love...
I love you.
Hi Valeria,

Okay, okay, you've worn me down I'll critique your poem lol.

Seriously the only reason I haven't commented yet. Is I generally don't critique I'm really into this person poems. Though, I know you're serious about your writing, so if these comments help in any way, here you go. Nothing is meant to be harsh here in any way just quick specific comments that i love you love poemyou can use or ignore, agree with or disagree with:

What about you,
Makes my jaw jitter,
Knees buckle,
And my palms ice-cold?

Good opening. I like jaw jitter for it’s alliteration and the image. I like palms ice-cold. You are appealing to the senses there. Knees buckle strikes me as a bit cliché. You can do better than that.

Is it your blue eyes,
As deep as the night sky,
Piercing through each soul it stares?

I think you can find something better for piercing through each soul. First off, try never to use the word “soul” in a love poem (very cliché) also who cares about what he does to each soul. Keep the focus on what he does to you.

Or maybe it’s your lips,
So soft and smooth,
As though it’s never kissed a pair?

Last line again reads a bit awkward to me. Work on phrasing this better, which you can certainly do.

Could it be your hair,
That neat mess of hazelnut,
Uncombed yet perfectly placed?

This strophe is excellent. Unlike the others so far, notice how it seems to capture the sense of the person. It is specific. Mess of hazelnut is nice phrasing. I’ve read tons of other poems with blue eyes and soft lips, this sounds very original.

Possibly your physique,
Gracefully sculpted by angels,
Like a tease to the heart of the single?

Again, you can write the third lii love you love poemne better. Keep the focus on you.

Beauty, what a shallow reason to love.

You could leave this out or combine it with the idea below. Your poem shows this. It doesn’t need to tell us this.

I love you for none of the above.

Not for your muscles that carry me away,
Neither for your hair that mimics your sway,
Nor for your lips that smile at me every day,
Or for your eyes that look at me so patiently---

Fix the punctuation after patiently, I don’t really mind the rhyme here, but I would say hair that mimics your sway seems a little forced.


But,

For carrying me off the 沙收 on Thursday nights,
For ruffling your hair to make me laugh,
For smiling at me every single day,
For lending me all the patience in the world.
And for giving me your undying love...
I love you.

This has some good specific detail. I like this section a lot. One line to consider changing though “And for giving me your undying love" (a little vague and cliché again you can do better).
I really like this poem, that kick you gave it took it away from an ordinary love poem.
Thanks for sharing!
YOU are one talented young lady! That was riveting! Standing ovation!
awesome,beautiful,deep and meaningful.
you've got gr8 talent,keep going
and oh right.....a standing ovation